Sometimes the feelings you experience as a result of your desires and actions, can be overwhelming. And there comes a need to give vent to those thoughts, which might otherwise keep festering in your mind to no end. I am looking towards writing now as a catharsis for such thoughts. To give words and definition to my abstract feelings at periodic intervals in time. And to understand them better myself..
You tend to reach points in life where you look back on what you've achieved so far and where you've come. You know in your heart that you have worked towards this tirelessly. But how do you deem it satisfactory? How do you really measure success against the bars you might have set at the beginning? And if you find yourself disappointed at times, how do you dust yourself and keep going?
I have been asking such questions to myself a little more frequently these days. One of the reasons might be the sequence of events at my current workplace that has stirred the need to keep evaluating my career path and growth. But apart from the professional aspect, it is the need to know, in my heart, that I am better and more stable today than probably a year ago. I do not know if you'd call that wrong or giving myself a hard time But for a self-driven person like me, it matters to revisit my sources of motivation from time to time.
For example, one of the things that comes to mind is the ability to persuade. This is a skill that I have voluntarily not practiced because I always stuck to an idealistic perspective that if something is right, the others will see it eventually. However, I have learnt, that the very definition of "right", is highly subjective. Unless of course you are debating on something like how many bytes comprise an integer variable in a 64-bit architecture, most other things take into account, your own line of thought and your opinion. I used to believe being opinionated was a pompous turn-off. Now I know that it is an essential quality and without it, you will never earn the respect of your peers and leaders. I guess now it all makes sense, that the great kings and leaders and even more relevant scenarios like CEOs and Founders of successful companies, are where they are because they had an opinion about doing something a certain way. And that is precisely where the skill of persuasion transforms from just a communication medium to an art.
It even applies to the people in your life. Unless you value them enough to empathize, give helpful opinions and be enterprising in showing them that you care, it is hard to expect them to keep you close. These were very specific examples. What I am driving at is what have I achieved in general? Am I one of the best in what I do for my bread and butter? Have I improved at fostering relationships? Have I made it easier, in any way whatsoever, the day-to-day lives of people I come to associate with? Is this learning experience a blow to my morale or a rock that I can climb and feel triumphant about at the top? A LOT of questions..
In the midst of it all, I long for the simpler times as my eyes dwell upon a picture of me with my family from some 10 years ago. When my grandparents were still alive and I stayed with them almost my entire childhood. A few years since then, though I have come to relish independence and sustaining myself "on my own two feet", the way I want, I cant help but feel a little....hollow... The same kinds you experience, say when the journey to a dream destination was full of excitement and unknown adventures, but after reaching there, you go "YES! ..er... what next?" And analyzing if what you are running towards... is worth what you have left behind...
Ultimately, I wish to be a stronger, happier person. It is tough to get there always, but what really matters is whether the delta is positive each day. And to have an unwavering determination.. that you will make it happen - no matter what it takes.
There is a quote that came to my mind when I read your blogpost.
ReplyDelete"There is something paradoxical and beautiful in the sense of security that man needs to live and in the sense of insecurity that man needs to feel alive" - Alessandro De Santis
The pursuit of becoming better is a worthy one, irrespective of the reason. But I feel the pursuit of "stability" should be for the right reasons. The "right reason" is subjective. It will depend on what you consider a norm for a good life - stability or struggle. I am not saying either mindset is good or bad. I think uncertainly is a good thing, it keeps us busy. It is not to be seen as something bad that makes you want to question your actions and decisions. A struggle is never enjoyable but is essential for the mental well being - we cant be happy forever if there isnt a good fight left in our lives.
You should read what the new Yahoo CEO Marrissa has to say about Uncertainty in life. I felt her "six life lessons" form a perfect code for progress.
I liked what you had to say about persuasion skills. It is so important for our growth to be able to engage with other people, pit our ideas, try to persuade and reason with others. If you suppress the fear of rejection, what you gain is a refinement of your ideas and self.
Like you I have wondered if all that I have left behind is worth what I have gained. I wondered if the sum total of what we have is always the same? If this is true, whatever we gain was at the cost of losing something. Then our successes become also a cause of mourning. The currency of life is Time and Innocence. As a child you have both in full measure. You gradually trade these for material wealth and success, friends etc. There are things you got for free, like a mother love and the comfort of her home. You didnt pay for those, they were a gift. If you think this way, it will balance the scales in favour of your current self. And you will see that you have got a very good deal for the time you have spent working hard.
Thanks for the read.
http://steepedintradition.wordpress.com
Awesome comment Anon! (though you aint anon anymore..)
ReplyDeleteInteresting post. I do not agree to much of the ideas in there. Nonetheless interesting. In fact, it prompted me to write such a long comment that it surpassed blogger's word limit! So, I had to post it as a post on my blog instead :) - http://prakhar.dyndns.org/blog/?p=213
ReplyDeleteYou're an interesting female, Mona Chitnis. And not because you are in a music video, or know how to fly a plane: I like the way you think.
ReplyDeleteGiven that you started this post with the words 'catharsis' & 'abstract', you will realize that it is hard to pen everything down - there are too many directions in which your mind is being pulled, too many words chasing each other - none of them waiting for their turn to express themselves. There's a lot that you have to say, but some of it may get lost in translation as you evaluate a few ideas, discard a few, pick one, and try to make things a little less 'non sequitur'.
Adolescent experiences have taught me that you only, truly learn in the fullness of time - the conclusions you draw in your oft-repeated introspections are a function of the curve of maturity, hardship and experience you have hitherto garnered.
There is a lot more I could say here - but I'm going to opt for quantity over quality, and get to my own musings about the very things you've written about. I've thought about every single thing you've written about - for as long as I can remember. I won't get into 'reasons' everywhere (too many words rushing to get out), but:
- I now shun thinking about things in a 'what you've achieved so far' manner, and instead just focus on 'where you've come' and more importantly - 'where you want to go from here' and 'how to get there'. Your proverbial "Life is a journey, not a destination", but less trite, and more original. You introduce a 'bias' when you implicitly, and inadvertently put yourself on a pedestal.
- On 'measuring success': I'm going to leave you two quotes, which I affirm to be true, through personal experience:
“Success is not measured by what you accomplish, but by the opposition you have encountered, and the courage with which you have maintained the struggle against overwhelming odds.”
"Success means doing the best we can with what we have. Success is the doing, not the getting; in the trying, not the triumph. Success is a personal standard, reaching for the highest that is in us, becoming all that we can be.”
- 'how do you dust yourself and keep going?': This one is easy because there is no 'how'. It just boils down to a choice - get up or stay down. If you want it, you'll find the strength. I cannot stress this enough.
- I don't know what you mean by 'more stable today', but it comes back to where you were, and where you've come today. If you can give definite answers to both these questions, then you will find the answer to the question - 'Am I BETTER than I was probably a year ago?'
- You revisit your motivations, I revisit my failures. They serve to quantify my improvements.
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- You are correct when you say that you won't earn the respect of your peers and leaders unless you learn to be persuasive. It doesn't invalidate your previous idealism. The definition of "right" may be subjective, but that does not mean there are "many rights". It just means there are "many perspectives".
ReplyDeleteA colleague once told me, "It doesn't matter whether you are right or wrong, just so long as you have an opinion - and you can convince other people that you know what you're talking about".
I don't know about you, but to me it sounded a lot like: "As long as you 'look' intelligent, and as long as you 'act' intelligent - it doesn't matter if you actually 'are' intelligent."
Yes, it also applies to the people in your life: I once heard a friend's friend admit that she knows her beau only pretends to listen to her complain. But she appreciated the pretense. It made her feel like someone cares.
C'est la vie, eh?
We study history to analyze the mistakes of the great kings and/or CEOs - they were opinionated, but at some point or the other, 'lost the plot'. We try not to repeat their mistakes.
Do what you have to do to 'earn the respect' of your peers, but don't lose sight of something that you essentially had spot on. If you want to be 'the best' or 'one of the best', then you MUST, by definition, be idealistic.
- Victory is sweetest when you've known defeat. You need a few blows to your morale to truly know your mettle.
- I agree with Anon's last paragraph. If you hadn't left certain things behind, then you'd have stagnated. You wouldn't have been better today than you were before.
- I have no idea what the other dude was on about. His attempt at increasing the hits on his blog makes no sense - I kept thinking there might be a point there somewhere, but I struggle to see one. He played right into your hands BTW. His attempt at analyzing whatever - just means that he is actually on a 'search for answers' which is where you started off on your post in the first place. He ends his bitter post on 'the futility of looking for answers' by actually giving us an answer. He also validates your thinking by being opinionated. Just plain weird.
Always a pleasure :)
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