Misfits...
There are all sorts of 'em out there, as varied as shapes in the clouds
With the conditions around them turning clear droplets into hailstones, each going through a different journey..
And their presence is, true to the metaphor, hard-hitting..
Its safe to admit that I've been one of them..
With a heck of a journey of my own
Oscillating between intro- and retrospection
Trying to just..................belong.
New places, new people, can be tough right?
What to say? How to do this? Do I have something green stuck in my teeth?
Standing on the brink of a new stage in your life
Looking forward to great experiences
Least expecting the shove asking you to move away
and make place for the other one everyone wants to sit next to
I think..."I wanna be that girl.."....haha...
Everyone passes through that 'wanna-be' phase some or the other time in their life
So from next time, its better to expect the shove than being surprised
Surprise is for the innocent.. not for me..
I'm grown up now..
My mom says I'm a different version of her daughter now,
She means it in the improved way
That I have become smarter and learnt to tackle more difficult situations
Somehow she had never seen that I always had that in me
That I was always a fighter...even as a kid..
Tackling criticism about being meek and afraid to speak up,
When my aversion to aggressiveness was interpreted as cowardice to be stifled
Passing that undulating childhood, I'm all grown up now
With a part of me still stuck there, looking for approval...living a de-ja-vu...
Where do I belong? Whom do I call my own?
Where are the familiar faces when I need them the most?
And when does the struggle to prove myself stop?
Life is short
So I've planned to waste a little lesser of it worrying about these
(know that the choice of word "planned" is different from "actually being able to"...argh >.< )
And just focussing on what I am known for best..
Having a level head on my shoulders, when I have to help in tough decisions
A rock to depend on for those who appreciate honesty like I do and detest prejudice against the less glamorous like I do too,
Can do almost anything, once I set my mind to it
And a store of great ambition, almost bursting at the seam! :)
Traits of being grown up eh... can no longer be a kid and cry!
I've been told that I have a trust issue
you know.. have problem trusting people...inadvertently offend them.. yada yada
I know I pay a price for this way that I've turned out to be
I'd like to think of it as a defense mechanism of sorts..
No one is born with it, its how one adapts over time
Yes I trusted my peers..... until they spoke behind my back
Yes I trusted my friends.....until some of them started preferring new friends
Yes I trusted my new friend....until the inappropriate behavior and utter misinterpretation of gestures culminated in threats
I put faith in the concept of cousins helping out cousins.... until they prohibited me from being part of their celebrations;
The reason apparently being my presence would've led to a space and food shortage (yeah I'm some 200 kg sumo wrestler who needs to gulf down 10kg chicken as a periodic snack)
So hell yeah I'm somewhat detached if that helped me get past this and still come out confident.
Come a long way from being innocent and placing blind faith.
Learnt to love, trust and give my whole being to the good, and keep a distance from the fuzzy.
Have few, but sheer gems of people in my life
Well... I'm all grown up now....
P.S. The article too sombre for your choice? Well sorry to burst your bubble then.. get a meteor-proof astronaut space suit next time. Coz buddy...they're coming for u.
So on a lighter note..
There are all sorts of 'em out there, as varied as shapes in the clouds
With the conditions around them turning clear droplets into hailstones, each going through a different journey..
And their presence is, true to the metaphor, hard-hitting..
Its safe to admit that I've been one of them..
With a heck of a journey of my own
Oscillating between intro- and retrospection
Trying to just..................belong.
New places, new people, can be tough right?
What to say? How to do this? Do I have something green stuck in my teeth?
Standing on the brink of a new stage in your life
Looking forward to great experiences
Least expecting the shove asking you to move away
and make place for the other one everyone wants to sit next to
I think..."I wanna be that girl.."....haha...
Everyone passes through that 'wanna-be' phase some or the other time in their life
So from next time, its better to expect the shove than being surprised
Surprise is for the innocent.. not for me..
I'm grown up now..
In a way, its about learning to let go.......of your regrets......
My mom says I'm a different version of her daughter now,
She means it in the improved way
That I have become smarter and learnt to tackle more difficult situations
Somehow she had never seen that I always had that in me
That I was always a fighter...even as a kid..
Tackling criticism about being meek and afraid to speak up,
When my aversion to aggressiveness was interpreted as cowardice to be stifled
Passing that undulating childhood, I'm all grown up now
With a part of me still stuck there, looking for approval...living a de-ja-vu...
Where do I belong? Whom do I call my own?
Where are the familiar faces when I need them the most?
And when does the struggle to prove myself stop?
Life is short
So I've planned to waste a little lesser of it worrying about these
(know that the choice of word "planned" is different from "actually being able to"...argh >.< )
And just focussing on what I am known for best..
Having a level head on my shoulders, when I have to help in tough decisions
A rock to depend on for those who appreciate honesty like I do and detest prejudice against the less glamorous like I do too,
Can do almost anything, once I set my mind to it
And a store of great ambition, almost bursting at the seam! :)
Traits of being grown up eh... can no longer be a kid and cry!
I've been told that I have a trust issue
you know.. have problem trusting people...inadvertently offend them.. yada yada
I know I pay a price for this way that I've turned out to be
I'd like to think of it as a defense mechanism of sorts..
No one is born with it, its how one adapts over time
Yes I trusted my peers..... until they spoke behind my back
Yes I trusted my friends.....until some of them started preferring new friends
Yes I trusted my new friend....until the inappropriate behavior and utter misinterpretation of gestures culminated in threats
I put faith in the concept of cousins helping out cousins.... until they prohibited me from being part of their celebrations;
The reason apparently being my presence would've led to a space and food shortage (yeah I'm some 200 kg sumo wrestler who needs to gulf down 10kg chicken as a periodic snack)
So hell yeah I'm somewhat detached if that helped me get past this and still come out confident.
Come a long way from being innocent and placing blind faith.
Learnt to love, trust and give my whole being to the good, and keep a distance from the fuzzy.
Have few, but sheer gems of people in my life
Well... I'm all grown up now....
P.S. The article too sombre for your choice? Well sorry to burst your bubble then.. get a meteor-proof astronaut space suit next time. Coz buddy...they're coming for u.
So on a lighter note..
Interesting style.
ReplyDeleteNeither a peom, nor a rap;
sure as hell, original it be.
Your "aversion to aggressiveness" (read: my behavior almost always :p) was ALWAYS what I called "maturity & strength" in you Na...
ReplyDeleteSome parts of this, I think we have already spoken about in walks to Matunga station or girls night outs or just between classes... Some of this probably was unspoken but spoken anyway..
I think you were always grown up - I dont mean it in any other way other than comparing (looking up more so) to you and seeing how perfect you are :) I mean it..
You get hurt, you hurt some others - it all comes down to who stuck it out with you... I think we did.. so well yay for us! :)
Ta.
P.S: I think I will always be the "wanna-be-Na" phase, you are THAT awesome! :)
@Ta: That was SOO sweet of u to say! I miss you like hell...!
ReplyDeleteOur personalities being polar opposites in some ways is what made us stick to each other throughout :) though m generally not that way with others.. its kinda just with u :)
I agree that I was never kiddish to begin with.. but this is just an insight into how growing-up is equal to becoming more cynical.. I guess you figured that... useless comment rant :P
@saad: after reading your comment, I actually tried re-reading through my blog like a rap! :P
Mo,
ReplyDeleteYou always surprise me with the amazing insights you have into your own behavior. As Annie said, these are things that even we have spoken about on many occasions, and yes, we have struggled against some of these too. Your life must be one HELLUVA roller coaster man, both your best friends are exact opposites to you. :P
This was one amazing post Mo. As always, "A rock to depend on for those who appreciate honesty like I do and detest prejudice against the less glamorous like I do too," is something i can totally relate too. You are and will always, hopefully, remain my Gibraltar.
Lovely post Mo. Always there for ya...
Love,
Pam.
P.S. WWWWWWWWWEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :P
In some ways we all seem to be a different version of our parent's kids. but that is alright. so long as you are loved by them. so long as your accepted. and so long as you realize its evolution.
ReplyDeletetrust isnt sth you can so very easily buy... and i'm not even sure if they still have a stock of it on their shelves. but what the heck. you're happy ! and we're happy too to read this brilliant post.