Its been quite a while since my last post. Tch tch to myself. I've been slacking on my recent goal to blog regularly. Oh well, when someone like me who has a lot of expectations from oneself, things can be overwhelming at times. I guess the trick is to find purpose in what you do.
That serves as a segway to my main thought for the post. What is the purpose of love in this world? At almost a lot of times in the day, your mind thinks about love in some form. It can be the camaraderie shared with friends, where you sense you will go out of way or vice versa to be there for them. It can be the attachment you develop for the people you see and are surrounded by each day - college classmates for student folks and company teammates for the office-goers. I'm not saying you love all these people, but when lives collide, there is bound to be a potential difference leading to flow of stories and perspectives that make you learn and grow incessantly. (Not to sound like Dr. Sheldon Cooper!) Love is the feeling of warmth, comfort, encouragement, respect, admiration and dreams..to name a few.
And then there is the conventional notion of love towards someone special. As there are so many unique people in this world, there are many unique ways in which we perceive and want love. Some want love to fight loneliness, some others to find an anchor in an otherwise chaotic social circle. Some want love as a means of distraction from everyday mundane ordeals, some others as a new life mode they wish to incorporate in their lives. Some want love to gain emotional support and some others want love to provide emotional support if that is what empowers them. After all, loving IS empowering yourself... to put yourself in a position to plunge headfirst into new experiences. To figure out if these experiences make you a better person in the end..
I have had an interesting conversation with a rather cynical minded friend about love being nothing but "maya" - a mere illusion of happiness that traps you. And no, this is not because of some disgruntled showdown after unsatisfactory relationships. Its true that love is not meant for everyone, either it's probably too difficult to find or if found, one doesn't appreciate its value enough - the two most commonly encountered situations. So be careful what you wish for, because you just might get it all.. and it may turn out to be a love that you hadn't hoped or prepared for..
Love liberates you, gives you the confidence you need to tackle the other obstacles in life head-on, and hits you with the blissful liberation that you are able to leave your own selfish desires aside for the happiness of someone else. But at the same time can bind you to the tenet of faithfulness. How difficult is it to build and maintain this faith and trust in one another? Have you realized at some point in time, that you can trust that person more than you can trust yourself....? Its a strange eye-opening feeling..and probably the pinnacle in love..
What do you want out of love? I would like to hear your views and comments..
a few diamonds "out of love" (or whatever) will be just fine for me :)
ReplyDeleteOof.. Wow.. This is a 'loaded' topic Mona. There's something fundamentally existential about it.
ReplyDeleteWhat you've penned is an admirably succinct summary that examines every single aspect of why we covet love. Please allow me to say though, that what you've covered in breadth, you've missed in depth...
Firstly, I'd like to differentiate between 'love' and 'romance'. While they're the same to the mundane, it is important to realize that they're actually poles apart. Now, I'm not sure if you realized it - but you've posed two very different and actually conflicting questions:
1) What is the purpose of love in this world?
2) Why we love?
I understand that you meant to connote that the two are different ways of expressing the same question - but the first is a question a love-struck 16 year old AND a complete cynic would ask (with different intents of equal intensity :) ). The second- Ah, the second is a completely different kettle of fish.
"As there are so many unique people in this world, there are many unique ways in which we perceive and want love."
Over time, I've realized that 'the more things change, the more they remain the same'. Apply this to people, and you'll get a sense of what I'm saying. There are few unique people - not many. The more you scratch the surface, the more you realize that what drives people is actually made of the same basic stuff. It’s like 'Lego', the shapes are different, but the basic substance is the same. Like people too actually - we all look different - but we have the same limbs... err... you know it goes from here (figuratively speaking).
(If it feels like I'm digressing... just bear with me... it'll all fit together in the end.)
I would argue that the very fact that we 'want love' - takes away the very quality that qualifies it as 'love' (in the most commonly perceived meaning of the term). 'Love' is not 'love' anymore. It is a 'need'. Consider:
- If you want love to fight loneliness, then you want to escape your life, into someone else's. Be a part of something. Feel like you 'belong'.
(Strongly put perhaps - but we're aiming for the definitive case here - individuals are variations of the same basic principle).
- If you want love to be your 'anchor', then more often than not, it implies a chaotic familial circle too. You don't 'love' per se, you just want something to hold on to. These are the same people that NEED love to 'gain emotional support'.
- If you want love to be a 'distraction', then you are basically a hedonist.
- If you want love to 'provide emotional support' (to someone else), then you are insecure. Unjustifiable altruism is always a sign of misery (an unhappy person). This is best way to feel you are 'making a difference' - that you are an 'idealist'. To feel that people look up to you.
Love is difficult to find because we look for it in the wrong place (like the US, Osama and Afghanistan... :D ), but emotional neediness does not count as love. Love is not a feeling external to you, and when it is - it turns out to be a love you "hadn't hoped or prepared for". 'A love'... makes you wonder how many 'types' there are, doesn't it? :D
This is such a 'human' way of looking at love (and I say that with distaste)... and if what you call love ever gave you "the illusion of happiness", then this is probably it! Everyone wants to be special, and more than anything - everyone wants to FEEL special. In the eyes of someone else. They need a validation of sorts. To confirm their goodness, if you will.
This is why that 2nd question is so very important. "Why we love?" What is the purpose behind that love?
part 1 of 2
The 'conventional' notion of love is a strange one, really. If we're differentiating between 'love', 'romance' and 'intimacy' ('romance' being the 'attachment' towards the 'object' of your 'love' and 'intimacy' being the 'expression' of your 'love') then it stands to reason that 'love' is something else - something that is truly deserving of the awe with which people look at it, talk about it, think about it. The purest, highest and the absolute best- in short, something NOBLE.
ReplyDeleteIf love "liberates you and gives you the confidence you need to tackle the other obstacles in life", then it is the moral standard that you need to be the best that you can be. As 'good', as 'nice', as 'intelligent' and as 'ethical' as you can be.
If love enables you to "leave your own selfish desires aside for the happiness of someone else", then why limit the scope of your selflessness? If you are being truly selfless, then you will NEVER measure if someone 'deserves' a kindness. You'll do it - not because you 'love' them or are 'attached' to them, but because it is 'the right thing to do'. You are a not better person for it: 'it' is just a 'manifestation' of your virtues: your own personal code, your 'you-of-you'.
Love never binds you to faithfulness - relationships do. There is something very primal in the concept of faithfulness, and it has more to do with intimacy than with love. Love cannot liberate you only to bind you in something else. For relationships in general - with the right person - there is nothing to tie you down. It is the easiest thing in the world (Theory of Relativity). You'll do it without conscious
thought or effort. "Why do we get into relationships?" Well, here it is: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gQjFHxJ9IKs
This means that the basic glue that makes you share a certain camaraderie with friends and makes you want to do anything for your 'special someone' is in fact the same. If you are going out of your way to 'be there' for your friends, then how is it different really, from "leaving aside your selfish desires to make someone
else happy"? Isn't the latter what you defined as a consequence of being in love? After all, you don't 'love' your parents in the same way that you 'love' your spouse, do you? And yet- you 'love' them both. You can be in a relationship with your other half, but you can love your family, friends, etc. just the same. Note this Mona - when you thought about love - you didn't think about parties, booze or jokes - you thought about doing your bit to making and keeping these people happy. Understand that if love is indeed a feeling of 'warmth, comfort, encouragement, etc.' - then there are many people (apart from your 'special someone' who give you these things).
You are right about one thing - loving IS empowering yourself. YOURSELF. Love (in its purest form, untarnished by Bollywood Masala) drives you to be better, to improve. And you know what? Love is the most selfish thing you can do - because you tell yourself you do it for 'someone else's happiness' - but you do it for how good it makes you feel (or how satisfied) when you actually do a seemingly 'selfless' deed. It’s like Joey once said in an episode of F.R.I.E.N.D.S - "There are no selfless good deeds".
Nice: http://testimonialcomic.com/?p=105
So, the trick Mona, is NOT to find purpose in what you do, but to find the 'what you do' that fits your purpose. Find the love that suits your purpose, not the purpose that fits your love. :)
and to answer your question - I don't want anything out of love. I just want to be the very best I can be. Not the very best there ever was - just the very best I can be; because: Success, just like happiness, is relative.
BTW - I REALLY, REALLY hate the 4096 character limit.
ReplyDeleteI had to edit my posts several times over or a third comment would've been super short.
Jeez...
Hey Gaurav,
ReplyDeleteI admire the depth you brought to my broad rendition of what love brings to the table. This is exactly why I like listening to other's people's views.
But I want to differ from the conclusion you draw that love that makes you feel nice with your friends will eventually be the same as being a better person for that special someone. I feel the two things should be treated separately because then there's simply no distinction between friends and your spouse/love interest.
LOVED the testimonial comic! :)
Love is sitting on the sea shore for an entire day holding each other's hands -just talking. Is it not, Ms. Mohana? :)
ReplyDeleteYes i agree with that :)
DeleteYes, you did sound like Sheldon!
ReplyDeleteI feel love is like God. You know it exists, yet you can't prove it. You just can experience it. You are very correct about love liberates and all.
Love doesn't only energize but also enriches; my personal experience that is!
Cheers
Love & be loved!
Why do I think I know the one calls it 'maya' in this post? :)
ReplyDelete